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Tweeter: MikeRylander Page 1

Mike Rylander


http://www.twitter.com/MikeRylander

10/25 @ 2:05 AM
MikeRylander - Eating an egg white omelet and watching cable television while my toddler sleeps is how I'm RIPPING THE SHIT outta Friday night. Sup now?
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10/25 @ 1:35 AM
MikeRylander - Just something to think about before you go to sleep tonight...
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10/25 @ 1:35 AM
MikeRylander - FYI: Robert Frost doesn't say the difference was good. For all we know, he got raped and the difference is now he takes well-traveled roads.
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10/23 @ 8:20 PM
MikeRylander - "Steve Nash is out the entire year? Great, there goes my fantasy team! And the Lakers' season!" -no one
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10/23 @ 8:20 PM
MikeRylander - "Steve Nash is out the entire year? Great, there's goes my fantasy team! And the Lakers season!" -no one
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10/23 @ 8:17 PM
MikeRylander - My toddler likes to put her stuffed animals down for "night-night." FUN LITTLE IRONIC SENSE OF HUMOR ON THIS ONE, I'LL TELL YA.
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10/23 @ 8:13 PM
MikeRylander - JOKE: What does a ghost call his significant other? Give up? His boo. Get it? His boo. Cuz he's a ghost. VALIDATE MY EXISTENCE, INTERNET.
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10/23 @ 8:02 PM
MikeRylander - "One, two, three, four, nine, seven, eight, nine, nine." -my 19-month-old daughter counting to ten
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10/23 @ 12:24 AM
MikeRylander - "Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Bill Cosby." (*deadbolts door*)
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10/23 @ 12:19 AM
MikeRylander - Hopefully someday I can win an Oscar and almost win an Emmy so that I too can earn the privilege to do a totally sweet Lincoln commercial.
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10/22 @ 6:13 PM
MikeRylander - 2nd Ammendment rules! 14th Ammendment drools!
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10/21 @ 8:19 AM
MikeRylander - Nothing like a haircut to make ya feel like a new man! ...well, other than total penis replacement surgery. That'd probably do it more.
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10/20 @ 3:21 AM
MikeRylander - I just turned 33. Alone. In a sauna. In a 24-Hour gym. While some Chinese women spoke Mandarin in the pool. Adulthood? Or So Raven?
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10/19 @ 11:52 PM
MikeRylander - I think other professions should take the "open mic" approach to weed out the unqualified. Like teaching. Medicine. Global geopolitics.
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10/19 @ 10:56 PM
MikeRylander - What if Nate Dogg said "Study hard in school and be nice to your parents" instead of "Smoke weed everyday" and we all just misheard?
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10/19 @ 10:51 PM
MikeRylander - I showed my parents the best parts of LA this weekend. Like the Marriott concierge room, and my apartment, and LAX and some roads.
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10/19 @ 10:47 PM
MikeRylander - I'm like Peyton Manning if touchdowns were open tabs on an Internet browser.
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10/19 @ 12:33 PM
MikeRylander - LinkedIn: Let's do business, then let's party.™ http://t.co/EMbfPo75YA
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10/18 @ 11:39 PM
MikeRylander - <dick pic> http://t.co/gNUvIx0zhO
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10/18 @ 11:27 PM
MikeRylander - Cool story, bro. http://t.co/5tFjxOLOac
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10/18 @ 8:01 PM
MikeRylander - Pool is broken at my parents hotel so they bussed us to a rich person hotel & everyone is bronze & wearing pastel & smells like a Hollister.
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10/17 @ 3:31 PM
MikeRylander - FACT: Whenever I think about the world Ebola, or even just see it in print, I inexplicably sing it to myself to the tune of "Bailamos."
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10/17 @ 3:29 PM
MikeRylander - Don't hate the playa', hate yourself for being such a spiteful meany-face doo-doo head.
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10/15 @ 8:29 PM
MikeRylander - If you're in Los Angeles, I'm going be acting like a fool on @CelebNameGame with @CraigyFerg right now! @KTLA - let's do this!
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10/14 @ 7:29 PM
MikeRylander - Well, now that @nicolerichie has tweeted a comedy video I helped write & produce, I think it's time to hang up the laptop. Bye everyone!
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10/14 @ 9:33 AM
MikeRylander - #LadiesOnTop A fun video I helped write & produce, starring @LamorneMorris, @SallyPressman & @AngeliqueCabral! WATCH: http://t.co/RtIbWYLVgn
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10/13 @ 7:45 PM
MikeRylander - "Ben Affleck and Sean Williams Scott had a baby?" -me, according to this dude on Reddit
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10/13 @ 12:40 PM
MikeRylander - Email reminds me I'm still on avail for big job & asks if I'm OK doing cool things on job, so anxiety level is 11, which is 1 louder than 10
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10/13 @ 12:23 PM
MikeRylander - Tomorrow. #LadiesOnTop. @OraTV. @SallyPressman. @AngeliqueCabral. @LamorneMorris. #comedy #internet #worlddomination http://t.co/H3wcbaTFR7
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10/13 @ 12:21 PM
MikeRylander - FYI: I wrote & produced a fun thing with @LamorneMorris, @AngeliqueCabral & @SallyPressman for @OraTV. Drops mañana. http://t.co/wpz2caDh4K
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10/13 @ 8:35 AM
MikeRylander - Is that @JakeFogelnest? RT @WTFark Boy In Suburban Las Vegas Goes Full Diva On Live TV (WATCH) http://t.co/EKOkzwU4ns http://t.co/NS8SZC6Tgb
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10/12 @ 3:06 AM
MikeRylander - A fun game to play in a big city on any night not in early July is "Gunshot or Gunshot?"
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10/11 @ 9:25 PM
MikeRylander - Currently seeking investors for The E-Bowl-A-Rama, my new online bowling game. Should be a big hit!!!
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10/11 @ 7:05 PM
MikeRylander - Hungover baby elephant & mouse just woke from their blackout in tree with smoking jazz crows. They don't make kids shows like they used to.
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